Why Change Feels Like Loss: Unpacking 'The Cave of Us'
- Dr Shungu Hilda M’gadzah
- 12 minutes ago
- 4 min read
The Invisible Architecture of Belonging
Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt a sense of ease? No one handed you a membership card or explicitly announced your welcome, yet you knew you belonged. The humor made sense, the shared history was understood, and the atmosphere felt like a familiar embrace. This is the quiet power of belonging.
Now, imagine the opposite: standing in a room where you are technically present and people are polite, yet you are not part of the "us." You are in the room, but not truly inside the circle. This tension is the "Cave of Us"—a psychological boundary of "us" and "them" that decides who belongs.
Today, our headlines are filled with shifts that feel deeply personal and disruptive: mental health strategies shifting toward whole-system support, anti-racism efforts moving from statements to structural change, and neurodiversity advocacy demanding we stop "fixing people" and start redesigning environments. To understand why these transitions feel so heavy, we must look beyond the surface level of policy and examine the systems of human behavior through the Six Stages Framework (SSF), developed by Dr. Shungu H. M’gadzah.
Takeaway 1: Inclusion is a Matter of Identity, Not Just Policy
When we discuss social equity or workplace inclusion, we aren't just debating rules; we are challenging the boundaries of our identities. Our sense of self is often anchored in our sense of familiarity. When environments change—when a workplace shifts its culture or a community adopts new language—it can feel like a personal threat.
This is why we see such visceral resistance to anti-racism and equity initiatives. Moving toward accountability and structural equity asks more than just a change in behavior; it asks our identities to shift. As Dr. M’gadzah observes:
"Who gets included within 'us'… and what happens when the boundaries begin to widen?"
Takeaway 2: The "Cave" is Built from Familiarity, Not Hatred
Exclusion is rarely the result of active hostility. More often, it is maintained by the Cave of Comfort: the pull of familiarity where change feels threatening. Inside this cave, belonging is constructed from the bricks of shared language, common assumptions, and collective stories.
Those residing within the Cave of Comfort rarely realize they are in one because, to them, the environment simply feels "normal." Because this exclusion is invisible to those it benefits, the move toward a more inclusive space is often perceived not as progress, but as an unnecessary disruption of a perfectly functional reality. We must recognize that the "normal" we defend is often just the boundary of our own comfort.
Takeaway 3: Systems Organize Belonging, Not Just Services
In our organizations—our schools, hospitals, and offices—we often fall into the Cave of Systems, the belief that "this is just how things are." We treat these structures as mere delivery mechanisms for services, but as the SSF highlights:
"Systems do not simply organise services. They also organise belonging."
Consider the shift in neurodiversity. When we move from "fixing" the individual to redesigning the environment for everyone, we are escaping the Cave of Systems. We are recognizing that the system itself was a blueprint for who was allowed to feel at home. By redesigning the system, we change the architecture of belonging, moving from exclusive "expertise" to inclusive "design."
Takeaway 4: The Continuum of Response (The Six Stages Framework)
When the boundaries of "us" begin to widen, human reactions fall across a predictable continuum. The SSF categorizes these into two primary modes: Reactive & Protective and Reflective & Transformative.
Reactive & Protective (Resistance to Change)
Stage -2 (Dismissive and Resistant): "Why are we talking about this so much?" Difference is viewed as a disruption to be minimized.
Stage 0 (Uncertain): "Something feels different but I can’t quite name it." This is marked by confusion, naming discomfort, and the emergence of questions.
Reflective & Transformative (Growth and Change)
Stage +2 (Awakening): "Perhaps not everyone experiences these systems in the same way." Curiosity begins to open space for empathy.
Stage +5 (Systems Thinker): "What assumptions shape who naturally belongs?" Here, the individual begins questioning the "caves" themselves.
Stage +6 (Collaborative Leader): "How do we co-create fairer, more inclusive systems?" Focus shifts to active partnership.
Stage +7 (Transformer): "How do we reimagine systems where everyone belongs and thrives?" This is the "north star" of systemic change.
Takeaway 5: Widening the Cave is an Addition, Not a Subtraction
When change feels like loss, we are rarely losing resources. Instead, we are mourning the loss of certainty, power, or the safety of the familiar. To navigate this, we must distinguish between two types of psychological spaces:
The Cave of Expertise: This is where knowledge is used to close doors, creating barriers that keep "non-experts" out.
The Cave of Belonging: This is where inclusion is an invitation, not just access. It is an open door that says, "Your perspective is essential."
Widening the "Cave of Us" is not a subtraction of power; it is an addition of perspective. It is about creating more room, more stories, and more chairs around the table. When we trade the Cave of Comfort for the Cave of Belonging, we don't lose our home; we simply make it big enough for everyone.
Conclusion: What are You Looking At?
Change feels like loss because our boundaries are shifting. When new voices enter our spaces and systems evolve, our sense of "us" is challenged. But it is in this very disruption that the opportunity for empathy lives.
As you navigate the headlines of the day- whether they involve mental health strategy, leadership, or social justice- ask yourself the central question of the SSF lens:
"When systems change, identities shift, and new voices enter spaces: what feels threatened- fairness, familiarity, power, certainty… or the Cave of Us?"
How does your world look today through the SSF lens?
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Based on the work of Dr. Shungu H. M’gadzah and the Six Stages Framework (SSF). For more information, visit www.inclusionpsychologists.com.
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